Thursday, December 27, 2007


Well, This is it! This is my BFP post:) The one I have dreamed about writing for a long time!

Like my last post mentioned, I had some cramping and some sharp jabs, so I was hopeful because I had never had the jabbing feeling before! I noticed that I was having to pee like every hour even with little to drink and the few days before I had a temperature of over 99 degrees (mid-afternoon, I gave up on charting lol). My boobs started to look very full and veiny and there was a dark ring starting around my nipple! I was still in denial... well denial isn't the best word. I knew these were all good signs, but I never imagined I was pregnant!! I guess after all the months of not being pregnant, it's a difficult thing to think of pregnancy as a reality! --I'll go into that more later!-- I had a left over First Response HPT from my last cycle. I tested (earlier than planned bc Thomas was convinced by the appearence of my boobs that it would be positive!) and I could see the faintest, tint of pink on it... but only in direct sunlight and at a certain angle lol!!

The next day we went to church and our pastor and deacons prayed over Thomas and myself since that would be his last time visiting the church before his deployment. I wished so badly that I could have added a prayer of thanksgiving and protection for and over our new little family but I couldn't be convinced by a faint tint of a line! So that afternoon I went out with my sister-in-law and bought 2 more First Response and 2 Walgreen's brand digital tests! I tired telling Kelly the whole way home not to get her hopes up! Thomas and I have faced countless negative hpts I was used to it, she wasn't! I pee'd in a cup and dipped the two (one of each kind) tests and sat them down on the floor while I proceeded to clean up and wash my hands. When I looked down I had a nice big beautiful PREGNANT starring up at me!!!

I was in complete shock! My hands shook for a few hours after wards!! My baby sister, Hunter, was the first to know... just as I had promised months and months ago!! There definitely was no romance to the way everyone else found out! My SIL heard Hunter's reaction and knew right away! Thomas and my dad were in the living room so I went in and told them I had a present for them and told Thomas to "pick a hand". When I gave him the HPT my dad thought it was a thermometer and was completely confused as to why I wanted to give them a thermometer as a present!! When Thomas explained to him that it meant that I was pregnant, He grabbed the stick--by the 'wet' end-- out of Thomas' hand and tried to read it even though he didn't have his glasses on! He called my mom and made me tell her, right there in the middle of Wal-Mart! She started bawling her eyes out and telling all the passers-by that she was going to be a grandma!!

We went over to Thomas' parent's house later that night and told his parents pretty much straight out! This will be the first grandchild for his dad (His step mom has 7) so He was very excited!! Linda, the step mom, told me that she bought the cribs for all her daughters and would buy ours! I was shocked. Not that she offered, but I was sooo far from thinking about cribs!

It has taken me a few days for it to sink in that I'm going to have a baby of my own soon! I have spent sooo much time on the T-TTC side of it and had been so invested in to that it was a very surreal feeling to know that it was over (for now at least) and that I had finally, just-like-that, passed over to the other side!!

So here I am... I am going to be a mom!!!

On Christmas we got to call all of our extended family to tell them and I posted the announcement on my MySpace and FaceBook pages!

We will be in Jacksonville until after the new year and my RE's nurse is off until the 2nd, so I won't be going in for a doctor's appointment until then! And we're hoping to get in for an u/s before Thomas deploys! I'm praying soo hard that there will be good beta numbers and a little (strong) heart beat on that screen!

I'm going to start a pregnancy blog so that my family and friends will be able to follow along. That explains the new "about me" section lol!! I wish there could be seperate ones for each blog, but no such luck!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

It's been a while!

Sorry I haven't posted anything worth reading in a while! Things have been a little rough lately! I found out about a good friend for HS's 'accident' PG last week, and it just kind of went down hill from there for me! The father was the biggest stoner at my school and she is in college and parties a lot. They aren't married and have only been together for a few months! I know I'm being silly. I would never say that they don't deserve that baby or that they will make horrible parents. It's just another home run for the other team and zero for my team! So that was tough! I don't think I have ever cried/whaled like that before in my life. Thomas was really taken back by it. But he was amazing! He held me and comforted me the best he knew how! It was perfect. Just what I needed!

After I found out I basically boycotted MySpace and Facebook! I couldn't stand to look at another U/S or belly picture! I thought about walking away from my message board for a while too, but those ladies are the only ones I can stand to talk to anymore! And since I just took over for the prayer group, I have to be there every Tuesday and Thursday. I really think that was a blessing from God; to put me in charge of that group of ladies! I'm really trying to get into The Word and pray a lot more. Asking God to give me peace and strength and hope and a baby!!

I'm on CD29 today. I have no idea when (or if) I ovulated this cycle. We BD'd all the way to CD26. Last night it was impossible to even think about having sex after Sunday's event! We were staying with my parents, in my old bed room with the sqeeeeeeky-ist bed in the world! So we decided to just go at it on the floor. It was painful, slow, paranoid and basically my worst sexual experience to date! I cried afterwards. Why does it have to be like that for us? It was definitely a struggle for me! But then God kind of let me in on a little secret... if that's allll I had to go through to get pregnant, I should count my blessings! If we get pregnant this cycle, I truly will be blessed. Blessed to not have to do more test, more drugs, procedures... etc!
So I sucked it up and dried my eyes and started to enjoy my "2" week wait!

I've had some light cramping around CD20-22. the past few days there have been some sharp, almost shooting pains in my low abdomen. I imagine that's where my uterus is. So there is hope!

I'm going to test on Christmas morning. That's CD35 (if AF doesn't show before then.) I figure, I've been through enough BFNs... I know I will be OK if it is another one. It won't ruin my holiday or anything like that. So I will hope and pray that I wake up and receive my biggest Christmas present everrrrr:) If not, no one has to know lol

I have started reading "Supernatural Childbirth". My boss gave it to me to read. The first time I heard about the book I was completely turned off by it. I thought it sounded silly and like I was telling God what to do. I had always been under the assumption that "you got what you got" when it came to God! The book talks about using The Bible and the scriptures in it to change your life, change your thinking. Line your life up with what God has to say about Conceiving and giving birth. Believe it. Pray it. I highly recommend it to anyone that is reading this! It is such a positive message. So encouraging and assuring!

Well the count down has begun. It's less than a month before Thomas leaves. It freaked me out the other night. I was watching October Road and the previews said that a new one would be on in 3 weeks. I realized Thomas would probably be gone by then! It was a crazy reality for me! It still doesn't seem real to me at all! SIX MONTHS!! Ahhhhh!! I was so thankful to have him home this year for the holidays... but now it just feels like they are sucking away all of our time together. This time of year moves by sooo fast! Not the ideal time line for a couple facing a deployment! Let me tell you!:)

This will be good for us! It can go two ways! 1) I am pregnant as we speak and I spend the next 6 months in sheer Heaven preparing for Baby and My hubby's safe homecoming! Or 2) I don't get pregnant before he leaves but spend the next 6 months getting my Pre-TTC body back. Spend the summer traveling to visit friends and family... the beach:)... and completely prepare myself and my husband for the TTC journey we will continue when he get s home!!
Either way, we will be making a lot of extra money and by the time he gets home, we will be almost fully out of debt! By October we will be fully out of debt! He will be promoted in the Spring and come back to start the second half of his 4 year degree and we will be facing new job and station opportunities! Things are good. A baby would make them wonderful. But I just have to sit back and count my blessings some days! Life is good. We are taken care of and loved! We love each other more than I ever imagined loving someone!
I'm happy. I'm renewed in faith and hope. I can honestly say that no matter the outcome of the test on Christmas day, I am blessed and willing and ready for what God has in store for us!!

We leave on Friday to drive back down to Jacksonville. We'll spend about a week there with both sets of family and friends! I wish you all a verrrry merrry christmas! I'm sure I'll be back to let you know how the holiday went and the result of the HPT:) Please say a prayer for us in our last weeks together!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

What I wasn't told about TTC...

I saw this post on my message board and I thought it sooo fitting.. Enjoy!

-That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.
-That my sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.
-That the longer I try to conceive, the more pregnant women spring up around me.
-That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.
-That one day I wouldn't mind checking my cervical fluid or cervix position to see if it is my fertile period.
-That I should have gone to medical school like my mom wanted, because I've had to do so much medical research and I might as well be an M.D.
-That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.
-That living my life in 2 week increments would be the normal thing to do.
-That I never knew how much I wanted to see those 2 blue lines...until only one shows up every month.
-That simply relaxing will NOT get me pregnant. The husband has to do some work too! (don't you hate it when people tell you that!?)
-That I have no control over some of the goals I set...
-That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at my BBT chart doesn't make it change!
-That one day my husband would know so much about how my uterus functions and what it looks and feels like
-That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby.
-That miscarriage is so common.
-That I would wish we had started trying to conceive earlier.
-That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy.
-That it wouldn't happen the first time I didn't use birth control like I was led to believe in school.
-That I wouldn't know how important a baby was to me until it took so long, and I realized what I was willing to go through to make it happen.
-That family would act like getting pregnant was a competition between all the young couples in the family, and the first one to get pregnant "wins".
-That my husband is the most wonderful and caring man!
-That it is insensitive to ask people when they are going to try having a baby! They might be trying and having difficulties just like me!
-That women who do get pregnant are so very blessed!
-That I could have been rich by saving the money I spent on condoms/birth control pills, which were obviously unnecessary.
-That I would be happy to see abundant cervical fluid and tell my husband about it.
-That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I'd have my mansion on St. Pete's Beach in Florida by now.
-That having my period show up would make me cry, no matter whose bathroom I was in.
-That it does not get easier ... each cycle is harder than the last.
-That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.
-That a group of "strangers" who I will probably never meet, have now become my "best friends" when it comes to trying to conceive.
-That I would splashing urine on my face while taking a home pregnancy test in the hopes that there really was a 2nd blue line hiding in it wouldn’t bother me at all.
-That talking about sex with fellow women who are trying to conceive would be so easy.
-That one day all of this will make me stronger. (it already has, hasn't it?)
-That I would have NO TOLERANCE for pregnant women's complaints about morning sickness, weight gain, etc...(I would give anything to have those feelings...)
-That no one I know would have any understanding as to how I feel.
-That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.
-That I am very bitter towards unmarried accidental pregnancies, and slightly bitter towards married accidental pregnancies.
-That someone I thought to be my best friend would hurt me by saying that she was sick of hearing about my efforts at trying to conceive.
-That some people just say the wrong things.
-That when my period shows up I would feel broken and dysfunctional.
-That my friendship with my real life girlfriends would suffer because they got pregnant after being off the pill for 3 weeks.
-That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things I will ever have to go through.
-That I HAVE to have sex even though I don't feel like it, but because my fertility monitor says HIGH or PEAK.
-That I would meet such a wonderful group of people online, that I can share my sorrow, frustration and fears with.
-That I would feel stupid and naive for thinking a pregnancy would occur "when it was supposed to".

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

I got a new gig!!

So... I get to be in charge of an online prayer group for some of the ladies on my message board!
The last few ladies that have done it are all expecting! The last one, BakersSweetie, asked the ladies if anyone would want to take over for her and I said I would step up if no one else really wanted to do it! And I was the ONLY person to even volunteer, so I got the gig!!

At first I was a little freaked out! I mean, I'm struggling with all of this myself... how am I supposed to "lead" others through it!? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don't have to "lead" anything! I just have to share my hope! Bakerssweetie said she would mail me the books she used to guide her to scriptures and prayers and I have a few books of my own! So I am just going to dive into it and see what I get out of the readings and prayers and then share that with the other girls!!

I'm probebly going to start a Question of The Day and assign Prayer Partners! I know it was so great for me to have a prayer partner at the beginning of my TTC journey... Someone similar to me, that could relate to all my fears and hopes and dissapointments and successes! So I really think the ladies could only benefit from it!!

So my first check-in is tomorrow morning!! I'm going to do some reading and praying tonight and then it all starts tomorrow!! I'm really excited!!

Online shopping fool!

Okay! So, on saturday I went online, to to order my OPKs for this cycle! Well after I entered my credit card information and hit submit a window came up that said the transaction could not be completed and to go back and fill out the information again! Well I'm a retard and did it 10 times! Each time it said go back, I did! Finally I gave up and figured i would come back and try later! Well, Thomas checked the account and there were 10 transactions in the "pending" area!! I freaked out lol! That's 150 OPKs and like $130 down the drain lol!! I e-mailed the company and asked them to cancel 9 of the orders and on monday I called the bank! The lady told me that they would probebly drop off the pending list by tuesday morning and shouldn't hit our account! Well, they haven't hit our account but they are still pending! I feel like such a tard:P But I'm praying that money won't come out of the account since it was our anniversary/fence money!! So we shall see!

So needless-to-say I won't have OPKs for this cycle! I was a little flustered about it at first but now I'm kind of at peace with it! I'm still charting, even though I totally suck at it lol. So hopefully that will clue me in a little on my time table! We have been BDing every other day consistantly! Yay for us:):) We don't usually stick to it this well! So I'm confident that we are doing everything we can do within our power! So that makes me happy! And if I don't get pregnant before he leaves, then at least I know that we will be able to go straight to the RE when he gets back!!!

side note-- Last night while we were BDing, I actually cried out to God! I know it sounds horrible! But we were going at it and all I could say was "oh God. oh God!" and in my head I was just thinking "Please God let this be it! Please let this be our month!" Thomas got all into it, thinking I was having a really good time! So I just kept the prayer to myself lol!! But I think it was a break through for me! I have always kind of thought my prayers to myself and dont usually say "dear God" or "Amen" or anything like that! So I'm going to start making my thoughts and desires into more formal prayers!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Amazing News!!

Ok, a few posts below, I talked about not wanting to get pregnant before my other T-TTC friends so that I would be the last one standing, the last one hurting, and never have to be "That girl that announced her pg while I'm still waiting" to any of my friends! Well it's official! There's one more couple to cross off my list!!

My senior year in high school our youth group got a new pastor! So right away him and his wife were more like friends to me than anything! After I graduated and while Thomas was gone, they always invited me out and were really great support for me during that time!! They have been TTC for something like 5 years (as far as I know) and recently turned to adoption after failed fertility treatments! 2 weeks ago, to the day, they got some bad news from their agency and were really down and thinking that this too wasn't going to work out for them! Well they were matched on wednesday! Their little girl, Abigail Lynn, will be here around the beginning of March!!! They are ecstatic! And so am I! Out of everyone I know that has been TTC, no one deserves a baby more than them!! I have wanted this for them for so long! And everytime I thought I might be pregnant, my heart hurt a little when the thought of telling them the news crossed my mind!

I don't think of this as one more person off my side of things and on to the other side, leaving me here alone! I know that this side of things blows! I would never pray for company!! So I'm just looking at this as a miracle. Obviously one for them! But one for me as well!! Now I can whole heartedly feel wonderful when I get pregnant!! I won't be able to hurt them! And that makes me feel amazing!!

Congrats Wade & Cherry!

I can't wait to meet little Abby:)